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33 things to do when you are feeling a bit angry with your novel


I mean, they're asking for it, aren't they?

1. Denial. You’re not angry with your novel. You never get angry with your novel. I mean, sure, you’d rather go smash garden gnomes than write one sentence of that flaw ridden piece of appallingness that will be rejected by every single agent in the world and also their dogs. But that doesn’t mean you’re angry.

2. Go looking for garden gnomes. Fail to find any.

3. Sit down in front of computer.

4. Open internet.

5. Discover that your novel’s genre is ‘on the way out at the moment’, according to [insert awesome publishing person].

6. Look for friends to rant to. No one is online. They are probably too busy being happy about their bright shiny projects and dancing in the sunshine and stuff.

7. Open novel document, GRRRBEFINISHEDALREADY.docx.

8. Reread most recent paragraph.

9. Delete most recent paragraph.

10. Write new paragraph.

11. Delete new paragraph.

12. Go for a walk around the house. Knock over any plants, chairs or small children that might be in your way.

13. No, you’re not stomping. Who said you were stomping? You are walking, with passion.

14. Decide to bake a cake.

15. Remove charred remains of cake from cake tin.

16. Lie on floor for a bit.

17. Contemplate brain transplant.

18. Realise that your computer is still on, and your novel is still waiting. Feel infuriated about how it just sits there waiting like that. Stupid passive aggressive novel.

19. Write new paragraph.

20. Watch something exploding on youtube.

21. Reread new paragraph. It is ghastly.

22. Yell at novel and also at universe.

23. Notice that friends are online.

24. Consider sharing woes with them, even though they’re probably all having amazing days of unsurpassed manic productiveness.

25. Break down and have huge rant. Let out breath you didn’t know you’d been holding.

26. Your friends think that your novel is fine. Fantastic, in fact.

27. One of your friends is having an appalling day. She is planning on deleting her entire novel and blowing up her computer.

28. Talk her out of this immediately. Her novel is frickin incredible.

29. Reread ghastly paragraph. It’s somehow ceased to be ghastly. You haven’t changed anything.

30. Look around room for ghosts who could have changed your paragraph.

31. Write next paragraph.

32. This isn’t horrible either. There must be something wrong.

33. Keep writing.




Leila Austin

Leila lives in Middle Earth, also known as New Zealand, and writes YA fantasy.

Posts by Leila

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26 comments:

  1. I love number 17 and 18! Ahahaha :)

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  2. I love them all. thank you Must go rewrite first page again now...
    Duly tweeted and facebooked

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  3. This is hilarious! It's like you're inside my mind. Mind if I re-post this on my blog? I will link to you, of course!

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  4. Lol at #12!

    LOVE this.

    And I think every writer feels like this from time to time. Thanks for posting this. Definitely going to bookmark/tweet about this.

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  5. Perfect! I definitely have days like this. Pretty frequently, to be honest...

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  6. Exactly! Every day is like this, although I have yet to go looking for garden gnomes. But I think even if I was super inspired and writing amazing pages I'd still take a second to smash one. They're creepy.

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  7. This is why I don't have garden gnomes. love it!

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  8. Thanks for this post, Leila, it's always good to be reminded I'm not alone in my anger. This made me smile. :)

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  9. I love this. Stupid passive aggressive novel, just sitting there. How did you find out about my novel?

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  10. Thanks everyone!

    @Book me! That's fine with me :-)

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  11. Thanks Leila, here's the post if you have time to check it out:
    http://booketybookbook.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/angry-who-me.html
    Cheers!

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  12. This post made my day. And I know I'm going to be thinking of it every time I'm kicking my laptop during the current WIP (and every other WIP after that)! Especially when LOLcats and laundry lure me away from the horror that is that WIP...

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  13. I had to share this on Twitter. It's as if you spent the day with me!

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  14. I love items 27 and 28. They give me an image of a disgruntled author aiming a rocket launcher at the computer screen.

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  15. HAHA! This is awesome. My critique partner and I do 23-28 all the time.

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  16. This has been me for the last 2 months. Must keep pushing through the last 3.

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  17. This is PERFECT. I love it!!! I'm about to print it and put it in my wall to remind me of what to do lol. :)

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  18. This post just made my day! I will use this to remind me to take a deep breath and relax whenever I feel like my novel is going nowhere fast.

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  19. Oh, gosh. This is one of those moments where you remember you're not alone... Thanks!

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  20. A friend sent me the link to this. Since I'm right about at #18 right now, I heartily agree. And I can't wait to get to #29

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  21. Thanks, this made my day. I'm tweeting to all my writer friends.

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Item Reviewed: 33 things to do when you are feeling a bit angry with your novel Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Leila Austin