The Daily Tribute April 1st Edition

The Daily Tribute

Your First (and by law, only) Choice for Capitol News!

Panem is buzzing with movie news! President Snow announced today in a press conference that they'll be bringing the lovely songbird, Taylor Swift, on board for the soundtrack. "After only two days in the arena," he said at the conference, "we were able to pull something out of her that didn't have a thing to do with a Jonas brother or John Mayer, or any other ex boyfriend for that matter." 

Casting scandal rocked the set!The Tribute caught up to the Capitol's very own, Effie Trinket, for the latest. "They looked heavily at Veronica Mars' Kristin Bell. She's been a huge supporter of the books and the Capitol loved her enthusiasm. They were seconds away from singing the contract when that little video surfaced."


 "Such displays of emotion make for great television. But think of what the tributes might do! Start running around hugging and playing nice with the Tracker Jackers? The games would be ruined!"

The Capitol's very own Cinna is seeing the effects of the blockbuster movie. New York's catwalks are alive with some fashions giving homage to the beautiful creations our tributes wear.

The Hunger Games frenzy has even attracted the attention of local political commentators. 

Infuriated over rumors that the "star-crossed" love affair between Katniss and Peeta is false and meant only to evoke sympathy from viewers, Rush Limbaugh has ordered Katniss to release a sex tape. 

"She's violating the rules and integrity of these great games," Limbaugh stated. "She's clearly using sex to win. She's a slut. My tax dollars fund these games – if this is how she's going to play, I demand she tape her sexual activities and upload them online."

When asked whether Peeta, too, should be faulted or punished in any way, the pundit had no comment.

Special Note from the desk of President Snow:

Everyone here in the capitol wishes to send our warmest thanks to Summit Entertainment for seeing the error of their ways by attempting to capture the quiet strength and steadfast guidance of Panem's citizens without conferring with us, the source, first. However, just a few Tracker Jackers later and we have assurance that the only things sparkling in our movie portrayal will be the costumes on our tributes. 


Gamemakers have also announced a new challenge for future games. Far more dangerous than muttations, competitors will now be facing angry hordes of invasive vaginal wands. The choice may seem sexist at first glance, but Gamemakers have assured the public that male and female competitors will be treated equally. "It's a non-issue," said one wand when asked for comment. "Despite our name, we aren't too particular about which orifice we violate."



For a chance to win the Hunger Games (Songs from District 12 and Beyond) Soundtrack, leave a comment below telling us who your favorite Hunger Games character is along with an email address for us to contact you. Deadline is April 7th. Winner chosen randomly during The Reaping.

 

May the odds be ever in your favor! 

A huge and special thanks to Michelle Schusterman for stopping back by the highway to collaborate on our April Fools post! 

Amanda Hannah fandom humor Sunday, April 01, 2012