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How not to choose beta readers...

To kick off our unlabor week: beta readers. Enjoy our week of satire!

Dear Diary,
Today both Mom and Aunt Caroline finished beta reading Kiss My Ice. They’re coments were awesome!!!! I knew I didn’t even need betas and I was right. They found like no flaws. I already have fixed where Mom found a missing coma and reworded that one paragraph Aunt Caroline didn’t love. They both said I’m defanetily gonna be the next JK Rowling and I so agree. Kiss My Ice is defanetily a billion dollar book. Any agent who doesn’t offer to rep me within like five seconds of getting my querry is so totally missing out. Its cool tho, cuz I've already looked up the home addresses of some of my favs. They won't think its too pushy when I stop by once they've read KMI and realized how rockin it is. And at the bottom of the page here I’m pasting the part were Merry meets the sasquatch, because Mom said it was totally terrifying. Here it is with her coments and everything:

And then I ran thru the emerald green blades of grass that were as tall as my ankles [This is so beautifully written!] (because I guess they decided not to mow Central Park that day) wearing my white Old Navy sweatshirt that I got on sale for $12.99 and a pair of size 5 jeans from Abercrombie and my pink Sketchers. [You have to put a comma right after $12.99 sweetheart! I think. But you’re my little writer, so you know better than me. Maybe look it up. And speaking of Old Navy—let’s go shopping later!] I was so happy!! I felt like I was flying into the pale blue sky that had white fluffy clouds in it. And also this one gray cloud. Maybe it was gonna rain soon. But then I got scared. A sasquatch appeared. WTF is a sasquatch doing in Central Park?!?!?! [Oh no! I’m so scared. I didn’t expect a sasquatch, what a great twist!] It was totally hairy and stuff, but I’d tap that. If I weren’t already kind of sort of maybe taken.
“Who are you?” he asked in a rude way. (I could tell by his voice that he was a guy.) [I’m glad you explained this so no one will be confused!]
“Who are you?!?!” I asked back meanly, even though I was really really scared. But I’m totally badass, so sasquatches can’t just come up to me and be rude, no way! [This is getting so intense!]

Kaitlin Ward

Kaitlin Ward is the author of Bleeding Earth, Adaptive Books 2016, and The Farm, coming 2017 from Scholastic.

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  1. JA, thats not ask your mum to be a beta reader cause chances are she is going to say "oh, I LOVE it angel" just because you wrote

    Friend of mine wrote this novel and she asked her mum to read it. Her mum said it was perfect and they were no flaws at all!! Then I read it and OMG the spelling mistakes and grammer issues. I cant believe her mom didnt point this out but of course she didnt want to sound mean but you have to be honest about how the book makes you feel when you are beta or choose someone who will be brutally honest and give constructive criticism but anyway...but my dad would make a beta cause he can be brutally honest

  2. Hahaha. Oh, mother.

    Though, I'm a coddle-able teen, and my mom is pretty brutal. Not so much with the sentence structure, but she always want to know WHY I wrote something like that. Why? Why? You should...

    Because I felt like it, that's why. ;)

  3. Imani- that's funny, I bet my dad would be a good beta for the exact same reason!

    LOL at "missing coma"...I didn't even see that the first time!

  4. Hahaha. Awesome, Kaitlin! I've gotten a couple of betas like that - even the ones that weren't relatives. Teehee. I love the part about shopping - cracked me up.

  5. this girl and Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be kindred spirits.

  6. let me try that again.

  7. p.s. Kaitlin, you're freaking hilarious.

  8. Hi-larious. I love the part where she says "I'd tap that." Note to self: don't read LOL funny posts at work.

    I'm lucky that I didn't get a beta reader like that. All of her comments were very constructive.

  9. Wow... my parents are the exact opposite. They massacre my manuscript. Sometimes I wish they would take it easy on me. lol.


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Item Reviewed: How not to choose beta readers... Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Kaitlin Ward